In the Eyes of the Dying
Yesterday I was reading a review of The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne at challies.com. I have not yet read the book, but after reading the review one quote from the book struck me given an experience that I had just hours after reading the reivew.
I could see God in their eyes. … I began to understand what it meant when the curtain of the temple was torn open as Jesus died on the cross. Not only was God redeeming that which was profane but God was settling all that was sacred free. Now God dwelled not behind the veil in the temple but in the eyes of the dying and the poor, in the ordinary and mundane, in things like bread and wine, or chai and samosas. … As I looked into the eyes of the dying, I felt like I was meeting God. It was as if I were entering the Holy of Holies of the temple—sacred, mystical.
About two hours after reading this quote about looking into the eyes of the dying I received a call from the nursing home that shares my church’s parking lot. There was a lady in the home that needed a pastor because she was in the midst of kidney failure and in a great deal of pain. When I arrived she was repeatedly crying in her pain, “Please, help me. It hurts. Please, help me.” I held her hand, rubbed her shoulder, and prayed.
Did I “see God in her eyes”? This is the first time that I had met this woman. As I saw her failing flesh and her pain I saw one who was formed by the hands of God, who had the breath of life breathed into her by God, and bears the marred image of God. But did I see God in the dying?
I had been told that part of the reason she was so frantic was that she has always been afraid to die. I saw one who needed to hear Psalm 145, “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” But at the front of my mind was the truth that these words are reserved for the Lord’s redeemed. With the intensity of her pain and her sense of fear she could not hear these words.
What did I see when I looked into her eyes as she pleaded with me for relief? I saw intensified and condensed into that moment what I see in the eyes of every stranger I meet. I saw the wrath of a holy God upon the failing flesh of His creation. I saw the crying of one desperate and unable to heal herself. I saw one whose need goes beyond the kindness and love that I can offer. This is the case every time I have held the hand of the dying: from the oldest saint, to the youngest child, to the stranger. And my care is the same … I pour out tenderness and compassion, the comfort of the gospel, and prayer for God’s mercy upon “the least of these”.
What do we see in the eyes of the dying? If we have no confidence of their salvation and no evidence of their redemption we must see what they also see. We must see what we all deserve. Yes, it is God; and it is wrath. Joseph Conrad in the Heart of Darkness describes death without sentimentality.
He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision — he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath — “The horror! The horror!”
Do I feel like I am entering the “Holy of Holies” when I look in to the eyes of the dying? Only if I am the priest who is not covered and cleansed by the blood of the lamb.
Lord, have mercy. Lamb who was slain cover me that I may enter the Holy of Holies. Humble me to look at a Holy God, slain that at my death I might not cry, “The horror! The horror!”, but cry, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” As I see the Lord I am undone. I am unclean. And the Lord has made me clean. I dwell among sinners and the Lord has called us redeemed. Lord, have mercy. Give me eyes to see the universe as the Holy God has ordered it. Give me holy eyes to see your wrath upon sin and your redemption of sinners. Lord, have mercy upon the dying, even upon me.